choate counseling balances students’ privacy and safety
By Caroline Bazinet ’10
News Reporter
Recent suicides on college campuses have caused parents who were unaware of their children’s problems to question the privacy policies of university counseling departments, as reported in a recent New York Times article. A concern raised by some is that similar problems might occur at boarding schools such as Choate, where some students live just as far from home. Inquiries by The News suggest, however, that the School’s counseling office tries to strike a balance between protecting the privacy of students and making sure they remain safe.
Judith Bender, Associate Director of the Choate Counseling Office, drew a sharp contrast between the laws governing privacy in colleges and at boarding schools. She explained that colleges struggle with a “moral, ethical, and legal” issue when in a student emergency, because their students are legal adults. College counseling offices do not necessarily need to discuss students’ issues with parents. For example, Bender says, “If my husband were to call the school about my daughter in college, the adviser would not [respond to] the phone call.” However, at Choate, she continues, “We will always say it’s time to call parents [in an emergency], for the law changes in terms of confidentiality when there’s risk involved.”
A Choate student involved in a serious problem that affects daily life has no option of privacy, according to our school rules and Connecticut’s minor rules. In this case, Bender states, “We have to talk about everything. The most important piece is [the students’] safety.”
A boarding-school setting can make the situation tough, according to Bender, because although teachers and advisers act in loco parentis to an extent, students are mostly minors and still subject to their parents’ wills. Bender emphasizes that the Counseling Office will not call parents without first notifying the student. One student in counseling told the paper, “The counselor should at least let the parents know so they can help their child overcome that problem.”
Bender acknowledges that some students may choose not to come if they fear parental knowledge, but refers to the number of students who receive counseling and concludes that “most kids are willing to come in.”
Beyond the basic knowledge of parents, a student’s privacy is protected. Counselors will ask if students would like their parents to know about day-to-day situations. Usually, the counselor does not disclose the details of discussion to parents, and never informs deans or teachers. However, Choate counselors might alert advisers and deans if students need extensions on assignments or time off from sports.
An anonymous student appreciated the support of his parents, who proposed that he meet with a counselor. “They encouraged it,” he says. However, “the talk stays in the room… [My parents] don’t know every detail.” Privacy outside of the counseling office is extended. Bender, for example, will not always greet a counselee in a public setting in case that would spark suspicion from others.
Choate’s approach to counseling is generally not an aggressive one, unless major problems are evident. Counselors try to develop a relationship with the student and, according to Bender, “address the reality that… you won’t be able to tell private things” right away.
Another way of making students feel more comfortable is to arrange meetings with an off-campus therapist, although this requires parental permission. Bender explains that the main idea is to establish a relationship with the student. Usually, the counselor can detect a major problem by a kind of “sixth sense.”
Another student agreed that “[counselors] don’t want to be aggressive. Unless they find a big issue [that the] student doesn’t realize… just being there to listen [is] what’s really important.”
