News Staff Reporter
In a high-pressured environment like Choate, it’s not surprising that student banter at the lunch table or on the path to class often turns to the topic of stress. Complaining—or, more often, one-upping each other—can often be gratifying, even if only momentarily. What you never hear kids talking about, however, is their latest trip to the school counselor. Last winter I made my first of several trips to the counselling team filled with doubts. No one I knew was in or had been in counseling, and I had no idea to expect. Worse, I worried that someone I knew would see me. When someone admits that he or she is in counseling, people often interpret it as “I’m really messed up and I can’t deal with stress.” The stigma of visiting a psychologist or counselor is completely unjustified; at a school where it seems that grades and performance are paramount, seeking an outside perspective is often helpful.
Life at Choate is undoubtedly demanding; too often we feel pressured to maintain a level of perfection while also appearing to be content and carefree. But last winter I had finally reached a point where I couldn’t quite handle all the stress. Counseling isn’t intended for students with serious psychological problems; counseling is for seemingly normal kids who sometimes need an hour to escape the pressures of school. Most of the time, hearing the opinion of an adult helped me realize that a lot of the stress that was overwhelming me was either unfounded or exaggerated. By the end of my first session, most of my reservations had dissipated. Drinking a Coke while talking to an understanding counselor didn’t seem so bad after all. It’s nice to have an outside adult to talk in the place of the parents who, though well intentioned, often don’t fully understand the pressures of school and who can sometimes be judgmental.
I found it interesting to see the kinds of kids that visited the guidance counselor. The other students I saw while waiting for counseling were not the screw-ups and failures I expected to encounter. Rather, they were overachievers, athletes, and popular students—the last people I would imagine needed counseling. Students who go to counseling are not necessarily weird or failing out of their classes. People who may seem well adjusted and happy are often less contented than they may let out.
Large numbers of students shouldn’t be in counseling. Students turn to counseling for a moment of coziness and security amidst a tumult of work and stress during the day, perhaps because other outlets of relaxation such as AIM have been taken away. The addition of sit down lunches to schedule causes students to lose free period, and with it the chance to seek sympathy and comfort from one’s friends. At Hotchkiss, students are allowed a mental health day, and, after checking in with the infirmary, can return to their rooms to rest and sleep for the rest of the day. Choate is challenging as it is, and if more relaxing elements of the school are taken away, soon the entire school will be marching to the counseling offices in order to retreat from mounting levels stress. But until Choate can find a way to decrease the stress inherent in student life, kids need to understand that going to counseling is a completely understandable and appropriate way to deal with anxiety.
