News Staff Writer
It hit me one day as I was feeling stressed and overwhelmed; someone had just asked me how I was feeling and I had responded with a vague “fine,” even though I was nowhere close to that emotion. It was quite obvious that I was not fine, but the inquisitor did not press any further. Why was I so reluctant to let my true feelings out and why was the other person so reluctant to listen?
Here at Choate there is a constant pressure to appear happy and pulled together. But let’s be honest: is anyone always prepared for class with a smile on their face? No one is capable of always pretending that their life is peachy and those who try to fake it are often the ones who are the most unhappy.
As students, we are supposed to be perky, alert, organized, and pleasant for twelve hours a day--a feat no human being can achieve. Teachers expect us to come into their class ready to engage in thought provoking conversation even if we’ve only had two hours of sleep the night before or have just failed our Bio test. The second we give in to our exhaustion and show our true emotions, they either assess us or lower our participation grade. Do they really expect us to be alert for 7 periods a day after we’ve done the homework they assigned the night before?
We often put on masks to keep others from seeing what really lies behind our smiles. There are many different aliases: the “I always have a funny thing to say and a witty comment to make even though I feel like crying” mask, the “maybe if I use a 7 syllable word, even if I don’t know what it means, the teacher will stop picking on me” mask, the “even though I got 3 hours of sleep I’m still prepared for class and so I should get an A mask”, and the ever popular “if I just smile they’ll assume nothing’s wrong” mask. We walk around in our masks, switching them when the situation calls for it, but what happens when they start to slip?
The other day mine not only slipped, it flew off and I had a meltdown. A full-blown, lock me up in an institution meltdown. And after it was over, I had never felt better. I realized I had allowed everything in my life to build up, and, since I had no productive way to release it, the smallest difficulty had caused it to come pouring out. I realized that by disguising my unhappiness as happiness, I had done more harm than good.
I know that a smile often disguises deep depression because I too was once guilty of the very crime I am arguing against. Sophomore year my adviser asked me how I could always be so happy and peppy and I responded that I was simply always that way. I had tricked myself into believing that if I pretended to be happy I actually would be; as a result, I kept burying my discontent deeper and deeper.
There are people on this campus who one would believe incapable of feeling unhappy, but no one is super-human. It’s perfectly healthy to have a good cry once a week whether it’s over your failed math test or The Notebook. Everyone needs to cry and those who don’t are denying themselves a catharsis that is more cleansing than an afternoon at the spa. So why is crying so frowned upon?
Socially, showing emotion is a sign of weakness, which has caused crying to become more of a stigma than violence. However, it is not letting go of emotion that is weak, it is bottling it up and not letting anyone see it that is. Those who show emotion to their friends, and allow them to see their pain, have more courage and strength than people who simply act like nothing is wrong. And those who actually listen and support their friends in need instead of turning the revelation into a pity party deserve more applause than those who ask if everything’s fine but don’t bother to dig deeper.
However, some people tend to dig too deep and overanalyze every emotion and nuance. Just because I’m stressed does not mean I will go kill myself during my next free period. A little stress is okay, I can deal with it, and no, I don’t need to talk about it.
I have a friend who is always stressed and exhausted and isn’t afraid to show it. She never over exaggerates her misfortunes and instead chooses to laugh at them over lunch. This is a girl who is so disorganized she walked into rehearsal with a garbage bag filled with her garbage because she could not find a place to throw it out.
While I do not admire her level of stress, I do admire that she feels comfortable enough to share it with her friends without feeling like she is somehow inferior. Everyone is stressed and has bad days; some people just hide it better than others. So the next time you have a bad day, don’t bottle it up or compartmentalize it, let it out either through running or dancing or laughing with friends so you will truly be able to say “Yes, I am fine, thank you for asking.”
